Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Second Thoughts

I was thinking maybe I should bring you all up to speed, honestly, about how the past five or so months have been going.

Late last year, my husband and I quit our great jobs in Washington, DC and voluntarily relocated, sans new jobs, to Washington State. We're both from here originally, had thought about moving back for years and decided that at the end of 2010 we would move back, jobs or no jobs. We wanted to be closer to friends and family and really put down some roots. In the meantime, we failed to notice that after more than six years in DC, our roots were already firmly in the ground. Since moving we've both felt lost and uprooted and uncertain and homesick.

In December, we packed up a POD, flew west on one-way tickets, and moved in to my mom and dad's basement. (Yes, we're in our early thirties.) But that is the one thing about this move that has been great: spending a lot of quality time with my mom and dad. We hadn't seen them much over the past six years and being with them is so fun. They are unfailingly supportive of us while we try and figure things out. They let us stay with them for months. Let me cry on their shoulder when I realized what we'd done. We've played games and taken a lot of long walks. And on top of everything my mom is a great cook and has fed us well.

But, aside from that, nothing else has been great: the job search has been utterly depressing. We've applied to more than 300 jobs (combined). I have gotten a few disappointing interviews and turned down one dismally underpaid and uninsured job offer. The husband has gotten one job offer, which he accepted, but that has been underwhelming, to say the least. Other things adding to the regret include the gloomy weather, the traffic and lack of transit options, and constantly second-guessing whether we made the right decision. We've been trying to focus on the positive, but since about mid-January, we have been wishing we could 'apple + z' to August 2010 and just go back to our life the way it was.

I've spent the past few months evaluating whether I'm just homesick and readjusting or whether we made a big mistake. I think I changed more than I realized and moving "home" to Washington State just isn't an option anymore, because "home" is elsewhere. Whatever we end up doing, in a way I'm glad that we gave it a shot, because otherwise the lingering need to try Seattle would always be in the back of our minds. But now we've explored this option and recognize that it might not actually be right for us. We took a drastic measure to move our lives forward, when in reality it's felt more like we've undone everything we've worked for for the past decade. Is it possible to hit the reset button and go back to the way things were? Or will things still feel "off" if we were to return?

We are typically very responsible, together people. We pay our bills on time. We both have advanced degrees. We are not impetuous or impulsive and we over-analyze everything. But rather than making a pro-con list for this, my heart says: undo.

1 comment:

Kerry said...

Nothing easy to comment on here...just packing up and can't wait to catch up and talk with you guys in person on Sunday. xoxo

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